Americans Envious That Tiffany Trump Never Hears from Dad
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans envy Tiffany Trump for never hearing from her father, a new poll reveals. According to the poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, Tiffany Trump’s unique placement beyond the reach of her father’s voice has made her the most envied woman in America. Although Donald Trump…
Trump’s Wacky, Angry, and Extreme August
President Trump ended August as he began it, with a blast of angry tweets, ad-hominem insults, and bizarre fulminations that have become so standard that they no longer receive the attention they deserve—emanating, as they do, from the world’s most powerful leader. In between retweeting hurricane-preparation warnings, Trump spent the final day of the month…
As the Father of a Daughter, It Upsets Me That Women Don’t Get Paid as Much as Men, Because Who Will Support Me in My Old Age?
I worked for fifteen years before I had my daughter. I’d never thought much of the women I worked with—why were they always complaining about their salaries? My wife, she didn’t work. I preferred it that way. We lived happily together, and everything was fine. I didn’t need to support equal pay for women, because…
The Brexit Warnings to Be Found in Sheep Grazing in a London Park
A hundred and twenty-five years ago this October, Charles Hercules Read, an archaeologist who later became keeper of British and medieval antiquities at the British Museum, conducted an excavation of a mound on Hampstead Heath, seven hundred and ninety acres of rural parkland in London. Read was searching for the remains of Boudica, a Celtic…
The Internet Slams Pete Davidson for Joking That He Replaced Ariana Grande’s Birth Control with Tic Tacs
The new season of Saturday Night Live took the opportunity to poke fun at cast member Pete Davidson’s new relationship for its premiere. And even Davidson threw in a few jokes about his whirlwind romance with Ariana Grande during last night’s episode. However, not everyone was laughing. When appearing on the popular sketch the Weekend…
Prince Charles Just Made a Rare Comment About Grandson Prince George
Click:glitter cannon Prince Charles is giving his 5-year-old grandson Prince George a gift that keeps on giving. The royal spoke candidly about a special present he planted for his first grandson just after his birth in July 2013 in the upcoming documentary, Prince, Son and Heir: Charles at 70. Speaking from his arboretum at his Scottish…
Meghan Markle’s Family Is Getting Creative with Insults in Their Latest Twitter Feud
It’s not entirely clear what triggered Samantha Markle’s particularly vicious brand of wrath this time around, but it seems she was trying to undercut her and Meghan’s 25-year-old nephew, Tyler Dooley (of marijuana strain “Markle Sparkle” and MTV’s The Royal World fame). Though Dooley is, indeed, capitalizing on his relation to “Auntie Meghan,” he hasn’t tried…
Keira Knightley Sports a Chanel Tweed Top Hat as She Receives Honor from Prince Charles
“We stand and watch the TV screen. She [Kate] was out of hospital seven hours later with her face made up and high heels on. The face the world wants to see,” Knightley wrote, according to Refinery29. She continues, “Hide. Hide our pain, our bodies splitting, our breasts leaking, our hormones raging. Look beautiful. Look…
What Is Kendall Jenner’s Net Worth?
Kendall Jenner got her start as the sweet, freckle-faced Kardashian younger sister when Keeping Up With The Kardashians first launched in 2007. But these days, she’s kind of a big deal — in fact, the 23-year-old was recently ranked as the highest-paid model of 2018, according to Forbes. It’s true: Jenner made $22.5 million in…
Elizabeth Hurley and Hugh Grant Have *Very* Different Explanations for Why They Broke Up
Professionally, Grant’s had a resurgence of sorts with roles in Paddington 2, miniseries A Very English Scandal, and an anticipated slate of upcoming projects including Guy Ritchie’s Toff Guys and David E. Kelley series The Undoing.