A Pundit’s Absolutely Accurate 2020 Election Predictions
Welcome to “Strike Out,” with me, your host, the all-knowing Chris Strikling. I will now share with you all my unfailingly accurate predictions for the 2020 Presidential election. Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Pete Buttigieg. Maybe even Julián Castro? There are a lot of Democrats vying for the Party’s nomination next year.…
Queen Elizabeth Moving to Canada
LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—Queen Elizabeth II is moving to Canada “immediately” and should take up full-time residence there by the end of the week, Buckingham Palace confirmed on Tuesday. The Queen offered no reason for the move, but the palace indicated that she had been packing her bags for the past several weeks. In a…
The Unlikely History of Faber & Faber
A literary publishing house is a strange beast—a business, yes, but also less and more than one. Publishers sometimes develop exalted notions about their cultural status; sometimes these notions become broadly shared. Names like Cape; Einaudi; Farrar, Straus & Giroux; Fischer; Gallimard; Grove Press; Knopf; New Directions; Scribner; and the granddaddy of them all, John…
What Happens When a Group of Strangers Spends a Day Debating Immigration?
About twenty-five minutes into a small group discussion of undocumented immigration, in Houston, something changed. The group was taking part in an experiment in “deliberative polling,” which measures the impact of discussion and information on public opinion. The conversation among the eighteen people in the room had hit all the standard talking points and deployed…
Conservative Nationalism Is Trumpism for Intellectuals
On the final night of this past week’s National Conservatism Conference, Senator Josh Hawley—a graduate of Stanford and Yale and a former instructor at an English private school—warned the attendees gathered in the ballroom of the Ritz-Carlton in downtown Washington, D.C., about the threat of élite cosmopolitanism. “The politics of those left and right have…
The Disappointing, Emmy-Baiting Finale of “Big Little Lies” Season 2
It’s a shame that HBO dropped boxing last year, because Sunday’s finale of the second season of “Big Little Lies” should have aired as a pay-per-view event. A pair of legendary fighters entered the ring, a suffocating family courtroom where the matter of the guardianship of traumatized twin brothers would be decided by a sympathetic…
How Illinois Became an Abortion-Rights Haven
On a recent Friday night, Janeen Lee sat at her round dining-room table on Chicago’s South Side, scanned her laptop, and chose a name from a short list. Lee is a volunteer for the Chicago Abortion Fund, which, since its founding, in 1985, has helped low-income people pay for abortions. She reached a woman, about…
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Trump Orders Pence to Find Passage in Bible Where Jesus Tells People to Get the Hell Out
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Hoping to bolster the core message of his 2020 campaign, Donald J. Trump ordered Mike Pence to locate a passage in the Bible where Jesus tells people “to get the hell out of here,” White House sources confirmed on Monday. According to the sources, Trump summoned Pence to the Oval Office and…